when you wish upon a star.

Last week City Year was given 100 tickets to 2 Bucks games, one on Monday and one on Wednesday. The game on Wednesday was against the Miami Heat. Now, if there's one thing you must know about inner city kids, most of them like to play basketball.. and chances are, their favorite player is LeBron James (who plays for the Heat). If you're not familiar with LeBron, he is a spectacular basketball player, 6 feet 8 inches, who was drafted straight out of high school. He is an idol and role model to countless inner city children because he himself had a tough childhood growing up in the inner city.

The students at my school talk about basketball a lot, and one of my students in particular, whom I will call Paul, has a love for basketball (and football too) that stands out above my other students. He has often talked about getting drafted out of high school just like LeBron, and his dream is to play in the NFL or NBA. When it was announced that I could get tickets to the Heat game, I was excited for the chance to be able to see LeBron play for myself. Then I thought about how cool it would be if Paul would be able to go too.

I talked to his mom, and she arranged for him to meet me there with a family member of his. Paul isn't one for too many words or emotion, but I could tell that he was especially excited to be at this game. He said to me multiple times that he has never seen LeBron play in person and that LeBron is his favorite player. He also kept telling me about the players on both the Bucks and the Heat, and I think he just enjoyed being able to teach me something. I must say, I was pretty impressed with his knowledge, and I could really see his passion for basketball. The Heat were ahead by about 30 points at one point, and every time LeBron, who ended the game with over 40 points, would score or make a great play like a slam dunk, Paul would smile so big, shrug his shoulders, and say "See? He's the best." =] The Bucks ended up making a huge comeback in the 4th quarter and beat the Heat. Paul was understandably mad about the Heat losing, but I think he still had a good time seeing his role model play live, and I think he will always remember it.

I think seeing him outside of school also showed him that I care about his interests as well as his education, and the next day I could tell a difference in how he responded to me. He seemed to take his work a little more seriously and didn't need a lot of prompting from me to stay focused like he sometimes does. Who knows if he will make it big in professional sports, and I have been telling him that his education needs to come first even if he does want to play professional sports, but hopefully this experience gives him some motivation to make his dreams come true!

expectations too high? it takes baby steps.

This past week I sat down with one of my students, whom I'll call Timothy, to do some report card conferencing. Report cards just came out, and Timothy's was not that great. He had a 1.7 GPA which was lower than his first 2 report cards. =[ We had met earlier in the marking period to make some goals, and one of his was to get a 3.0 on his next report card. Now, he had a 2.0 at the beginning of the year, and I knew that if he really focused on his work that he could do it. However, that didn't happen, and the goal ended up being too big for where he was at.

So we reviewed his goals and made some new ones. He made a new goal to get a 2.0 for this next marking period. I challenged him to challenge himself more than that and make his goal to have a 2.5 instead. I also thought that he was purposely making low goals for himself so that he could earn his reward easier for achieving the goal - like a pizza party or McDonald's lunch. (It probably wasn't a good idea to talk about what he could earn before he made his goals.. but, we live and we learn.)

Anyway, after our meeting, I felt kind of upset because I felt like he was upset and disappointed with himself. I think he knew that I expected a lot from him, but maybe he didn't think that he could achieve my expectations, so he got overwhelmed. I know that he doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself; he gives up very easily. I thought that me setting high expectations for him and telling him that I think he can reach them would help him believe in himself more. However, I think it did just the opposite. I think what happened was he knew I had these high expectations, but didn't think he could reach them because he didn't the first time.. which didn't help his confidence at all. =\

I think I learned that even though I see so much potential in my students, it takes time for them to see it for themselves and believe in themselves. Even though I can see what they are capable of, they might not be ready to be challenged like that. I need to let my students set their own goals, even if I think they can achieve more. I need to let them start small with more achievable goals. They will become more confident in themselves once they achieve those small goals and then will start believing more in themselves and set higher goals. It takes baby steps, and I am learning to be ok with that. =]

Men: our boys need YOU!

Having a couple weeks off for Christmas break was definitely needed. I spent my time relaxing and not doing too much. I updated my resume and portfolio and read a book called "The Fatherless Generation" by John Sowers. It's a very eye-opening book and made me more aware of the epidemic that is fatherlessness in America and how it affects our boys and our men so deeply.

It's incredible how many problems in America have a connection to fatherlessness: gangs and men in jail, to name two. (The book goes into more detail.) Boys need affirmation from their fathers about being their fathers' sons. They have a need to belong and be accepted, and when that isn't provided to them by their fathers or older males in their life, they search for it wherever it can be found. Unfortunately, this need to belong is often found in gangs where boys learn that to be a man is to be violent and put fear into others in order to gain respect.

I see this firsthand to some degree at my school where there has been some gang activity even among 7th and 8th graders. Male students will talk about being in a gang, and in order to get initiated into the gang, they have to get "jumped" by the other members of the gang. And there are rules like if one member of the gang is fighting, if anybody from that gang is around, they HAVE to jump in and fight too. I've seen it happen, and unfortunately these students have gotten expelled. It's a sad thing to think about. These boys obviously have a need, and their desire to meet this need of belonging is greater than their desire for an education.

In the book, The Fatherless Generation, John Sowers talks about an initiative called The Mentoring Project (http://thementoringproject.org), started by author Donald Miller. It's an organization that seeks to pair older adult males with boys who don't have positive males in their lives. The inspiration came from a documentary that Miller saw about these African elephants. The documentary was about these teenage male elephants who had somehow been separated from their tribe. They displayed uncharacteristic behavior of elephants; they were violent and even randomly speared a rhino at a watering hole with their tusks. They were reckless and angry and dangerous. In the documentary, the scientists decided to try to introduce some older, mature male elephants to these teenage elephants and let them live alongside them to see what would happen. To their surprise, the teenagers completely mellowed out and began to follow the mature elephants. The older male elephants taught the teenagers how to be a male elephant. And that's exactly what our boys so desperately need.

Sometimes I wish so much that I could give my male students whose fathers aren't in their lives the affirmation and acceptance they need from an older male. I wish I could teach them what it means to be a man, but I can't. All I can do is pray for men to respond to this problem. Men, if you are reading this, this is my attempt at a cry for help on behalf of my students, boys in Milwaukee, and boys in cities across America. They need men who love God and can show them what God created men to be. YOU have what it takes to be mentors to these boys. They need YOU. If you don't step up, who will? Will you let them continue to find their acceptance in gangs and violence?

Please take some time to consider this need and pray for God to show you an opportunity to be a mentor. Volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, hang out with a boy that you know needs some guidance. There are plenty of opportunities out there. Boys are looking for somebody like you. Your time with them is so precious.

"Like You" - Lecrae music video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDOyQCCpKs