oobleck and goal setting

Well, it's been a month since the last time I posted.. and it has been a good month indeed. =] I still love my students and am so grateful for this opportunity to live life with them. It's amazing how confirming City Year has been that this is what I want to do.. work so closely with youth and build relationships with them.

Here is a picture of my team (minus Cedric) after we led our "community meeting".. something that each of the 6 teams has to do to share with the rest of the corps what is going on at their school. It is done in a skit style, and our theme was the NWSS Gangsta's. We each had gangsta' names.. mine was "ginger snap" or "g-snap" for short. =] It was a great bonding time for my team because we had to come together quickly and plan it in only 3 days.. and it turned out awesome! Lots of laughs went into it, and lots of laughs came out of it. =]

I'll tell a funny story that happened yesterday.. but we'll see how funny it is to you reading it because I was cracking up and still crack up picturing it in my head. This week City Year has been putting on this "Gettin' Live in the Library" with various activities for teachers to sign up their classes to come to in the school library. My class went to it yesterday and did a science experiment that one of my teammates led. They had to explore this "oobleck" substance (made of cornstarch and water) and use the scientific method to determine if it was a solid, liquid, or gas. They were in groups and each group had a container of "oobleck" that they could play with. It was a little messy, and we had newspapers on the tables so that the tables wouldn't get dirty.. (but that never works like it's supposed to, of course). One of my students, was playing with some oobleck when he suddenly sprung up from his chair and exclaimed, "man, this stuff is dangerous!" He had dropped a chunk of it onto the table!.. and had this guilty, embarrassed look on his face like "oh man, they're gonna be mad cuz I spilled it everywhere.. I thought I could handle it!" It really wasn't a big deal.. it's pretty easy to clean up.. but his reaction to his mistake was priceless! He just didn't want to get in trouble.. it was the oobleck's fault because it was dangerous. I said to him, "what did it do, jump out of your hand?!" hahaha. The things my students say..

Anyway, I've also been setting some goals with a few of my students relating to their grades and behavior, and I've been so impressed with what they have come up with on their own.. such as not giving up when they get frustrated, or not talking in class, or gaining their grandma's trust back by being responsible and getting good grades. 7th graders can be so squirrely, but they also know what is expected of them and can be real when they need to be. I've seen a huge difference already in one of my students who I did goals with. He wasn't motivated really at all to do his work and do it well and would give up easily when he got frustrated. Since we came up with goals last week, I haven't seen him give up, and he has been so focused and motivated to do his work. He even told me that he was going to get a 4.0 this marking period. We'll see what happens.. but it's like he just needed somebody to set out clear expectations for him and believe that he could achieve them. He's a very smart kid, but he doesn't see that in himself yet.

I can't say enough how much I love my students, and I hope to continue to build a relationship with them where they see me as somebody who believes in them and somebody they can trust. I can't believe it's already December. I really need to take advantage of every day I have with them.. because they will all be gone so quickly. =[ But I'm sure there are many more fun and rewarding times ahead. =]

what does it take to change a way of thinking?

This update is a little overdue, but nonetheless, here it is. I am in the full swing of things now.. getting to know my students better and finding my niche at my school. Every day I am so thankful for this opportunity God has given me to interact so closely with my students. It's truly a blessing, and it's so reassuring that working with this population of inner city kids is where the Lord wants me.

I will give you a little update about "Moses." Although he is still quiet at times, he has quickly overcome his shyness around me and often smiles and makes jokes with me. He has been coming to our after school program where we do homework help and also do some kind of activity, and he is also becoming good friends with another one of my students. It's been really fun for me to see them connect and form a friendship. =]

Last weekend we celebrated Make a Difference Day (a national day of service) at my school! It was a day where all 60+ City Year members and 40+ volunteers came to paint murals and quotes on the wall and also clean up the courtyard by mulching and weeding. The mural I helped paint is in the photo above - NWS's motto with an eagle which is the mascot. It was an incredible day because of the impact it makes on the school climate. For students to see and know that somebody came to their school because they care about them and their success is a priceless thing.. especially at a school that has been getting some negative attention lately. I want the students at NWS to be proud of their school and feel apart of a community there, and I think Make a Difference Day was the perfect springboard for that to start. Of course it will take a lot of work, but I have hope.

I think one of the biggest obstacles I see in Milwaukee - and my school especially - is the belief that if somebody hits you, you have to hit them back.. or if somebody talks slick to you, you have to beat them up so they know you're not "soft" and you're not going to take them talking about you. From what I've seen, it's so deeply ingrained in the culture.. which is why I think there are so many fights and violence here. I was talking to a couple of my girls about it and telling them that I don't understand how fighting and violence are the answers to problems. One of them replied that fighting is "fun" because you get to see who's better by whoever wins the fight. I do see their point.. that if you beat somebody up, they'll think twice about messing with you the next time.. but how do you change this way of thinking?? All I say is that violence is not the answer and that it just leads to more violence. I've talked to a couple students too about how it's a cycle and somebody - a leader - has to stand up against it and stop the cycle. I'm not sure what else I can do. What will it even take to change this way of thinking that so many of these children are brought up with?? I've been thinking about this a lot lately and would definitely appreciate any thoughts or ideas that you have.

Thanks for reading! =]

relationships forming

We have been at school full time since the last time I posted, and have been working a lot in the classroom. I have been assigned to a 7th grade class that travels together as a cohort from class to class, so I am with them for Math, Reading, and English (about 25 students). I've been focusing on getting to know them and gaining their respect these first few weeks, and have been doing whole-class support rather than small group pull-out tutoring sessions. Basically, I've been walking around the classroom when the teacher is teaching, making sure everybody is following along, and prompting them to follow along if they aren't already. If they have questions during work time, I also help them with that. It has been a really sweet time forming connections and seeing the ones who are a little hesitant to talk to me - seeing me as an authority figure - let their guard down a little and start a conversation with me. I don't want to be pushy with them.. I want them to be able to trust me as they feel comfortable, and I am beginning to see that which is cool. =]

There are a handful of students that the Lord has especially brought to my attention who may need more love an attention than others. These students are usually instigators and don't like to do what teachers or other people tell them to do. They may come from a tough home life and have experienced a lot of hurt, which is probably what has built up the walls they put up. There is such a drastic difference between students who have somebody in their lives who expect them to succeed and do well and those who don't. From what I've noticed, students who have parents or somebody that expects them to do well, are usually hard workers in class, and those who don't work hard and slack off probably don't have somebody in their life who wants them to do well. It's these students who I really want to build a relationship with. I want them to know that I care about them.. that I see who they can become.. and that I want to help them get there.

I'll introduce you to an ounce of City Year culture: Every CY Corps Member has written a "Why I Serve" statement, declaring to others and themselves why they have chosen to commit a year of their life to service. These statements are something to give you vision for the year and motivate you when you feel like giving up. I will share with you my "Why I Serve" statement: "I serve because I believe in the power that one relationship can have in motivating a young person to reach their potential." This is the vision that the Lord has given me for the year, and I think about it every day that I'm in school.

I'll share a story about one of my students who I am making a connection with. I will call him Moses because he is bright and has the words to say, but isn't very confident in them. He is a pretty quiet student, and up until a few days after I met him, I hadn't seen him smile. He doesn't talk a whole lot to his classmates, and doesn't seem to have many friends. Last week my class had an assignment to write their own short story. They were learning about the parts of a story (characters, setting, conflict, etc.). The story could be about anything they wanted and could include fantasy and things that weren't real. The teacher wanted them to use their imagination. I went over to his desk to see how he was doing with his story, and was surprised to see that he had already written it. His story was about doing well in school and about how some students wanted to fight, and they fought in one class and were still fighting in the next class, but by their last class they had decided to stop fighting and wanted to learn instead. What was so amazing to me was what he chose to write about.. he could've made up anything, but it was clear that this fighting was bothering him, and all he wanted to do was do well in school.. and the fighting was inhibiting that. And then, when the teacher asked for examples of the moral/lesson in the students' stories, he even raised his hand! (Of the 2 weeks I have been working with him, I have never seen him raise his hand in class other than that time.) He said that the moral of his story was "doing well in school," and a lot of his classmates turned around when he said that because they were so surprised that he had spoken up. He is gaining confidence in himself, and I have seen him work a lot harder this past week than the first week I was with him. It's been a cool transformation to see, and I'm excited to see him grow more. =]

I have a handful of stories about specific students that I would love to share; however, I can't share too much on here for the sake of student privacy. If you would like to know more, please ask! I love my students already and love talking about my experiences with them. =]

If you would like, I would definitely appreciate prayer for my relationships with my students.. especially the ones who have a lot of walls built up.. that the Lord would break them down and that I would know how I can show them love. I can try to love them, but only the Lord can change their hearts.

being a "man" on the bus

Since my last post we've still been doing a lot of training, but we have also spent some time in the schools. The past 2 weeks we've spent half-days at the school and then come back to the office for more training for the second half of the day. The training is good, but I'm definitely ready to be in the school all day. We've also only really been observing classrooms. I don't have an assigned teacher or students yet, so I've been just taking in how classes/teachers function and have also been trying to connect with some students in the mornings and at lunch. Building trusting relationships is a process, but it does help that a lot of the students remember City Year from being in their school last year. That gives us something to talk about, and it's nice that they already have a sense of what we do and who we are. =]

Something happened the other day that was very eye-opening for me. My team and I take the bus back to the office every day which takes about an hour, and it's usually a very crowded bus. Thursday was no different. Lots of people were standing in the bus and there wasn't a lot of room to move around. There was a father standing by the back door of the bus with his 2 children under 3 years old in a stroller in front of him. The bus stopped to let people out, and this other guy tried to slide behind the father and stroller to get out of the side door. I didn't see what happened, but the guy must have bumped into the stroller a little because the father got a little upset and was like "dude, I've got a stroller right here, just wait a second so I can move it and let you out." The guy trying to get out then said kind of apologetically that he was just trying to slide by because he couldn't make it to the front exit and didn't mean to push the father or the stroller. It could've just ended right there and the guy could've just gotten off the bus, but it didn't and the guy wouldn't get off the bus.. he stayed on to argue with the father.

The 2 men kept going back and forth and the situation escalated. Pretty soon they were yelling and swearing at each other and other people on the bus were trying to calm them down. The woman sitting next to me, about my age, even got up and got in between them to try to separate them and push the guy who was trying to leave off the bus. Meanwhile, the 2 young children were still right between them in the stroller, and the mother of them then got into it, yelling at the guy, saying that her children are right there. She was trying to protect them, and she finally moved them over to where 3 other small children were.

Eventually the guy who was trying to leave finally left, and the bus could've just gone, but apparently in the meantime the bus driver was arguing with 2 other women, so she had called security and we all had to wait until they came. A few minutes later, the guy who had gotten off the bus, got back ON and was walking towards the back where the father was. People stopped him from going back there, and then he said to him that he apologizes and he was just trying to slide by. I was thinking, ok great, he's letting it go and just wanted to say sorry. But no. Then he started saying stuff like "if we were in the streets we could handle this differently" and then said some things about his mama and that he's boss and that he's a man (to which the father also replied that he is a man too). And then the guy finally walked off the bus again, making sure to tell the father that he stays at such and such address in case he wanted to come find him and handle it in the street.

So I'm sitting there thinking.. this whole situation is over a STROLLER that was in the way a little bit. Really?! Really. There was no reason for the situation to get so out of control! And then later I was thinking WHY did those 2 guys make such a huge deal out of something SO little?? What was the big deal to them? Was it that neither of them wanted to let down and show weakness in front of everybody? Were they both trying to assert their dominance and get respect from the other? What is it? They apparently both thought that they were men. So does being a "man" mean that they don't let anybody step on them or take advantage of them.. even over a STROLLER?! The whole thing must be so much deeper than it appears. And then the kids.. this is what they are brought up with.. that you handle problems by yelling and swearing. There was a desperateness to the whole thing.. these 2 people wanted to be heard and understood and respected.. and that's how they've learned to do it.

There is a desperate need for God to redefine what being a man means in the city. Because in the city it's about appearing the toughest, using fear and intimidation to get respect, and manipulating to get what you want. The city needs Godly men to be role models to boys and other men, showing them what being a man really is.

God is using this instance and others to show me something deeper. People are starving for significance and love, and if God is willing to use my broken and selfish self to somehow communicate love and significance to my students and other people in Milwaukee, then so be it. Here I am Lord.

I would love to hear your thoughts on any of this, so please do respond if you would like!

One week of City Year: complete!

We did a ton of stuff this past week, but I will try to brief you on some highlights.

The first two days were going over a lot of info on City Year as an organization.. how it began, what it stands for, and why they do the things they do. Basically, City Year's vision is that one day it will be normal to ask every young adult where they will be doing their "service year." City Year is very much about service and making the community a better place through the service they do.

On Wednesday we all loaded up on buses and drove out to Camp Whitcomb Mason in Hartland, WI until Friday, where we bonded as a "beloved community" and learned more about City Year culture and ideals.. which are very important to the organization. I won't take the time to discuss them now, but feel free to ask if you want to know more!

On Friday we found out what schools we will be serving at this year! NWS was my first choice, so I was happy to be chosen for this team! I'll give you some info on NWS.. The attendance rate is 82%, suspension rate is 69%, and Reading and Math for 6th-8th grade are all below the 50% percentile. This school has seen it's challenges and has become one of 11 schools in milwaukee called a "turnaround school" receiving federal funds, a new principal, and no more than 50% of its teachers allowed to return from last year. I know this school will be one of the most challenging, which is why I chose it. I want to work with the kids with behavior problems who might not have the needed support at home from their parents. I want to show them that I believe in them, care about them, and see their potential. It will be tough, but I trust that it is where God wants me and He wants to use me there.

I also want to talk about one of the activities we did at camp called the Privilege Line. How it works is that everybody stands on a single line and then the leaders call out 70+ statements, and if they apply to you, you take one step forward or back. Some of the statements included, step forward if your parents have a job that requires a college degree, step forward if you have ever attended a private school or summer camp, take a step back if you ever had to miss a meal because your parents didn't have the money, take a step back if you grew up in a single parent home, etc. It was incredible to see the diversity in our group when the activity was finished, and I walked away from it thinking "who am I to have been born into such privilege?" I didn't do anything to "deserve" being born into a privileged family who loves me. Why me? Why wasn't I born into unfortunate circumstances or with parents who don't support me or love me?

This world is so messed up. In a perfect world, everybody would have equal access to food, health, and love. But we live in a broken world. The world is full of sin and people taking more for themselves than they need in order to feel powerful and successful.. and people not loving others. In some way, whether we realize it or not, taking more than necessary affects the baby who is born with nothing.. who's parents are tempted to steal in order to provide for their family. It's a staggering and overwhelming thing to think about..

We talked about this idea of a "beloved community" that Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about and how we can have this kind of "beloved community." I think what it would take to have this community is that everybody would have to value the same thing: putting others above themselves and sacrificing things for the sake of the community as a whole all for a single purpose: bringing glory to God. I don't think it's possible without Christ, and I don't think it's possible on this side of Heaven.. because we can do all the service we want and put others above ourselves and make that choice for ourselves.. but we can't convince other people to do the same. Only Christ can change hearts. And as long as there is still sin and self-gain, a perfect beloved community cannot exist. I don't mean to be a Debby Downer, and I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for a beloved community.. but without Christ, the effort is in vain. It makes me long for Heaven and a perfect community where there is no pain and everybody is loved all the time because we will be in perfect relationship with God.

Well I talked at you a lot just now. I would love to hear any responses to my thoughts and won't be offended if they are different. I like talking about this stuff with people, so by all means, let me know if you have something to say about this! =]

One Year Later.. City Year

So I haven't done much blogging (or any at all for that matter) this past year. Here are a few highlights: I graduated from UW-La Crosse in Therapeutic Recreation with a minor in Psychology, completed a 16 week internship for TR in the Spring at Bethany St. Joseph's Care Center, and got accepted to an AmeriCorps program called City Year in Milwaukee. For the next 10 months I will be tutoring kids in the classroom (I don't know what grade yet) who need some extra help to succeed. The program is aimed at the dropout crisis from high schools across America, which in Milwaukee is about 40%. I'll also be participating in community service projects to enhance the schools and community of Milwaukee. I am excited to begin, and I figured it would be a good time to become a better blogger so my friends/family can know what exactly I'm doing. We'll see how it goes!

I have almost all of my stuff moved to Milwaukee, and our house is beginning to look like home! I absolutely love the neighborhood we're living in.. there's so much diversity! (At least more than I'm used to in La Crosse.) College students, families, professors, older people, black people, white people, etc. all living in the same area! It's surprisingly refreshing to be surrounded by people different than me. I enjoy sitting on our porch and seeing everybody walk past. =]

Tuesday was registration day for City Year, and I got to meet a few fellow corps members. Although a lot of the day was spent doing paperwork and other important things, there were get-to-know-you games mixed in, which reminded me of camp. I am a fan of the cheesey camp stuff, so I think it will be a good time. =] I kept thinking the whole day that in 10 months I am going to know a lot of these people really well, and it is probably going to be hard to say good-bye to them, so I better cherish the memories as they come.

Anyway, I'll move to Milwaukee for good on Sunday, and City Year Basic Training starts on Monday! We'll be doing a service project and then going to a camp for a few days later in the week for some team building. Meeting and getting to know that many people will probably wear me out, so prayers for energy and the capacity to build relationships with my team would be appreciated!

Oh man, I almost just lost everything I wrote, but thanks to the "back" arrow, it came back! I better submit this before I mess up something else. I'll become an expert blogger one day, just watch. ;}