being a "man" on the bus

Since my last post we've still been doing a lot of training, but we have also spent some time in the schools. The past 2 weeks we've spent half-days at the school and then come back to the office for more training for the second half of the day. The training is good, but I'm definitely ready to be in the school all day. We've also only really been observing classrooms. I don't have an assigned teacher or students yet, so I've been just taking in how classes/teachers function and have also been trying to connect with some students in the mornings and at lunch. Building trusting relationships is a process, but it does help that a lot of the students remember City Year from being in their school last year. That gives us something to talk about, and it's nice that they already have a sense of what we do and who we are. =]

Something happened the other day that was very eye-opening for me. My team and I take the bus back to the office every day which takes about an hour, and it's usually a very crowded bus. Thursday was no different. Lots of people were standing in the bus and there wasn't a lot of room to move around. There was a father standing by the back door of the bus with his 2 children under 3 years old in a stroller in front of him. The bus stopped to let people out, and this other guy tried to slide behind the father and stroller to get out of the side door. I didn't see what happened, but the guy must have bumped into the stroller a little because the father got a little upset and was like "dude, I've got a stroller right here, just wait a second so I can move it and let you out." The guy trying to get out then said kind of apologetically that he was just trying to slide by because he couldn't make it to the front exit and didn't mean to push the father or the stroller. It could've just ended right there and the guy could've just gotten off the bus, but it didn't and the guy wouldn't get off the bus.. he stayed on to argue with the father.

The 2 men kept going back and forth and the situation escalated. Pretty soon they were yelling and swearing at each other and other people on the bus were trying to calm them down. The woman sitting next to me, about my age, even got up and got in between them to try to separate them and push the guy who was trying to leave off the bus. Meanwhile, the 2 young children were still right between them in the stroller, and the mother of them then got into it, yelling at the guy, saying that her children are right there. She was trying to protect them, and she finally moved them over to where 3 other small children were.

Eventually the guy who was trying to leave finally left, and the bus could've just gone, but apparently in the meantime the bus driver was arguing with 2 other women, so she had called security and we all had to wait until they came. A few minutes later, the guy who had gotten off the bus, got back ON and was walking towards the back where the father was. People stopped him from going back there, and then he said to him that he apologizes and he was just trying to slide by. I was thinking, ok great, he's letting it go and just wanted to say sorry. But no. Then he started saying stuff like "if we were in the streets we could handle this differently" and then said some things about his mama and that he's boss and that he's a man (to which the father also replied that he is a man too). And then the guy finally walked off the bus again, making sure to tell the father that he stays at such and such address in case he wanted to come find him and handle it in the street.

So I'm sitting there thinking.. this whole situation is over a STROLLER that was in the way a little bit. Really?! Really. There was no reason for the situation to get so out of control! And then later I was thinking WHY did those 2 guys make such a huge deal out of something SO little?? What was the big deal to them? Was it that neither of them wanted to let down and show weakness in front of everybody? Were they both trying to assert their dominance and get respect from the other? What is it? They apparently both thought that they were men. So does being a "man" mean that they don't let anybody step on them or take advantage of them.. even over a STROLLER?! The whole thing must be so much deeper than it appears. And then the kids.. this is what they are brought up with.. that you handle problems by yelling and swearing. There was a desperateness to the whole thing.. these 2 people wanted to be heard and understood and respected.. and that's how they've learned to do it.

There is a desperate need for God to redefine what being a man means in the city. Because in the city it's about appearing the toughest, using fear and intimidation to get respect, and manipulating to get what you want. The city needs Godly men to be role models to boys and other men, showing them what being a man really is.

God is using this instance and others to show me something deeper. People are starving for significance and love, and if God is willing to use my broken and selfish self to somehow communicate love and significance to my students and other people in Milwaukee, then so be it. Here I am Lord.

I would love to hear your thoughts on any of this, so please do respond if you would like!